Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents)'s topics - tribe.net

note from tribe.net: please assign a moderator

2005-05-13T19:06:40Z

Hey there, "Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents)" members--

This Tribe doesn't have a moderator, but as a matter of policy, Tribe.net likes all groups to have a leader.
Could you collectively choose someone to moderate your Tribe?

When you've reached consensus, have the new moderator send a note to help@tribe.net, letting us know that you've selected a new leader.

Thanks --

-- TOU (Terms of Use) Guy

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

When Women

2004-12-25T00:04:01Z

steal babies and murder mothers, what is the underlying problem? I mean it would be so easy to count the women that do so as "crazy" but what is really going on inside of a woman that would commit a crime like the one last week?
This woman meets a couple on the 'Net in a chat room about their dogs and winds up murdering the mother of an unborn???AND CUTTING THE UNBORN FROM THE MOTHER???? The baby lived. But the poor child has no mother...
Are we living in a nightmare?

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 8 replies

Gifting...

2004-12-02T06:33:07Z

You're dating as new fella, what's the ideal gift?
You've been with your fella so long, you can quote his family lineage as well as he can he. What's the ideal gift?
I'm thinking holiday time but you can feel free to contribute whether you celebrate the holidays or not.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 6 replies

Welcome Artists!

2004-12-01T01:23:52Z

Among us are artists who create many different types of work. Today, we celebrate them one and all.
Oh, me? I'm a poetess when it comes to rhyming words,
I have a ball!!

You may have noticed a new picture when you entered
this tribe today,
it's "Mother" by our new member Pamela,
what more can I say?
I saw this piece while surfing various tribes
Immediately, I felt an 'artistic vibe'.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 10 replies

Boundaries, Shaping Them/Respecting Them

2004-11-24T18:16:16Z

I've been thinking about boundaries for a while...how to and when to draw the line when it comes to work, play and family without hurting anyone's feelings or giving away everry resource at my disposal.
Also, how to say, "No" without feelings of unkindness. I can say no but then, here comes the guilty monsters.
Consider this dialogue officially opened.
tanks! ;-)

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 5 replies

WOMEN ONLY

2004-11-24T08:57:40Z

To the Gentlemen Here,
I'M WARNING YOU, I'm giving up some ladies info...

Hey Ladies,

It took years but I found it! A ladies web-site that sells bras. I'm chuckling remembering when:

a) ladies referred to them as bras
b) we *burned* our bras

Now that that's out of my system, the web-site is actually an eBay seller who goes by the moniker dcbaby.
Imagine getting good quality bras for $10 including shipping?
And she accepts money orders.
Another reason that I'm steering you in DCBaby's direction is because she's a cancer patient and this is her money maker and to top it off, she has a wicked sense of humor.
So, there you have it.

(bet the guys are all a'blush ;-o )

eden

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 8 replies

Womens Healing Tribe!

2004-11-19T01:30:04Z

http://womenswholeness.tribe.net/

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

On the Face?

2004-11-15T07:49:47Z

Oh, boy, as a writer, I have so much fun with these little titles. On the face? is my way of asking if you can see that a woman is in an abusive relationship by the way that she carries herself? Is it on her face?

Have you ever looked at a woman and suspected that she was being abused? Now, I am not referring to obvious signs i.e. black eyes, rather a general "look" of dismay/disappointment/hurt.

A couple of years ago , I found that a personal friend was in an abusive relationship. Her husband had always appeared "in control" of their household and she'd do every and anything for him and the children including laundry in a sub-freezing basement while they remained upstairs in the warm house watching television.

Later, he started flirting with all of her friends and some family members. The next thing, he was shacked up with another woman. The thing that really got me was that she is such a sweet, sweet woman. Even after he left home, he would return to their home and abuse the mother of his children. Although, I never saw him abuse her while he was living there, I did see him treat her *poorly* one night when we had been hanging out.

He came to the door, grabbed her arm and drug her in the house like she was some errant teen....That night I began to wonder if he were an abuser. Later, I saw that he was. One day he beat her in front of a couple of people. Animal!!!

They're divorced now; the most unfortunate thing is that she and I really don't have any contact now because she's working night and day and because I think she's embarrassed that the "little dirty secret" came out.
Can you believe that he wants to come "home"?

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 21 replies

Peterson Guilty!

2004-11-13T03:47:50Z

this just in...

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=514&e=2&u=/ap/laci_peterson

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 3 replies

Xtra!! Xtra!!!

2004-11-12T20:42:46Z

http://www.modestopolice.com/laci/details.asp

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

Lacy Peterson Case

2004-11-12T03:55:52Z

What a story...They're dismissing jurors like mad.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/11/10/peterson.trial/index.html

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 11 replies

So what about men who love too much?

2004-11-10T14:40:51Z

Thoughts?

Is it a 'bad' thing?

Ladies, would you, could you appreciate a man with the same sort of affliction that brings you to this tribe? How come?

Men, if you lean that way, do you see a bigger picture? What has been your experience?

And men, if you do not lean that way, is it because of holding back, or something else? How come?

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 30 replies

Journal

2004-11-10T01:14:31Z

I am a big fan of journaling. It helps to write it out, does anbyone here use journaling to record day to day life? Has it proven helpful? Please share.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 5 replies

Your Personal Statement ...

2004-11-09T22:03:33Z

on boundaries, where do you draw the line? What do you use as a measuring stick when delineating boundaries? Do you react physically by removing yourself or verbally by giving people an earful? When was the most memorable time, that you feel safe sharing here, when drawing a boundary wsa absolutely necessary? Did you struggle with that decison or did it come naturally?
________________________
(this question may sound familiar, that is because it was posed earlier. A disgruntled triber, who seems to have left tribe altogether took this question in an entirely unrelated direction, which distracted us from the conversation...so I am posing it anew.)

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 5 replies

Eden's Lovin' Too Much "Check this Out" List

2004-11-08T00:18:13Z

Read, and comment if you're comfortable. remember I'm far from being an expert.
If this list sounds too much like you, please consider therapy. We are opening some inner stuff that mightr cause some reactions that you cannot hanlde by yourself. The responsible thing to do is to seek help. If you lack insurance, be creative, find out what free resources are available in your town. Please.

http://victimbehavior.com/victimcharacteristics/index.html

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 8 replies

Men on This Tribe

2004-11-06T15:32:56Z

I've invited *some of the guys* into Women Who Love Too Much. I invited men, who during my time in tribe.net, have shown themselves as what I will dub "consistently supportive." Each amn has also indicated through their posts elsewhere that they actually like women's company on tribe and in their personal lives. The dudes I've invited are the types that would open a door for woman, share a laugh with a woman and give a woman their jacket on a cool night. In short, they're *gentlemen*.
The men may be a little quiet as they become accustomed to the flow of things but trust me, these men are contributors. I anticpate their contributions. Thanks guys. -eden-

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 15 replies

Welcome!

2004-11-05T21:42:46Z

There were *YEARS* when I was *the* doormat. I was ready to be evrerything that my man wanted me to be and more.
Whether it was sex, money, time, energy, employment...whatever the Mr. at the time wanted, I was there to supply his every need like some out-of-control Wonder Woman.
Guess what? For the right man I will still bend over backwards BUT not at the expense of losing myself in the process. I will always take time to love Eden. I will always consider what Eden wants and what is best for Eden.
Was that time that I spent loving others more than I loved myself *wasted*? Not at all. For I learned that I was predisposed to this condition and I needed to "reallocate my resources." The question became what will I have for mr if I give him, her, them 100% of myself?
I believe that this is an addiction. And to that end, I present a forum for discussion. I've taken the first step and that is admitting that there is a problem....I love too much. Many of us do.
BUT, is it really love??? I think not rather I think its a method that is self-destructive... as self-destructive as any other addiction. You
are invited to dialogue and to debate. Please do.

With An Eye on Freedom,
Eden

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 6 replies

Medicare and Social Security

2004-11-05T18:05:11Z

http://www.csaf.org/politics/ss_gop.html

***oh, say can you see***

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

Eden's Assignment

2004-11-05T08:00:56Z

A couple weeks ago, mixed in with her sage advice to me regarding a difficult relationship, Eden gave me an interesting assignment. She told me to write a paper--1000 words or more--on co-dependency. This was the result, and I think it belongs here and would appreciate any comments, as well as be more than happy to answer any questions, you might have after reading it.

------------------------------------------------------

~Personal History~

For as long as I can remember, I have been desperate to impress people and garner their appreciation and friendship through giving. Whether it was company, money, favors, or actions…I would, and have, given almost anything.

In elementary school, I would steal from the local corner store to impress a friend. I’ll call her “Lisa”. Lisa and I would sneak off our elementary school campus and run down the street, where she would tell me what to take and how, and I would do it. I have heard that some people get a rush from stealing, but my rush came from making an impression on a peer. Paradoxically, I stopped stealing when my other peers found out what I was doing, and were not favorably impressed.

In junior high school, there was “JL”. JL was originally my best friend. However, as soon as she figured out my vulnerabilities, I was nothing but a tool to her. For two years, I was treated like something she scraped off her shoe…yet; I bowed to her every mood and need. To put it simply…if she said “jump”, I asked “how high?” It got so bad that my peers, observing her treatment of me on a daily basis, would ask why I let her treat me so bad. In response, I could give no answers. I would simply shrug and say, “I don’t know.”, because I really didn’t understand it. Why couldn’t I walk away? It’s a question I still ask myself.

In high school, having finally rid my life of JL through having been assigned to a different school than her, I shut down socially and crawled into a sort of cocoon. The few people I associated with were good to me though. For a few short but sweet years, I was free from users and abusers. Then came “CM”…

CM was someone I met in school, but our friendship really developed after she dropped out and I graduated. She was older, beautiful, and filled with knowledge and experience that was beyond my own and totally fascinating to me. She had a lot to offer, and in return all I had to do was whatever she wanted me to. For instance, she would invite me to her apartment to help clean it, expect me to pay for all our nights out, and expect me to be at her beck and call. It was JL all over again, except this time I was an adult. Unfortunately and unexpectedly, being an adult didn’t make much of a difference. I still felt completely helpless and lost. My other friends from high school had moved on with their lives and were unavailable. CM was the biggest, and I felt the only, person left who noticed I was alive. I now understand that I could have made new friends, but at that time I was so insecure and painfully shy that I could not imagine having anyone in my life without CM.

Finally, I ended the relationship with CM with a four-page letter listing all the things I could no longer take from her. However, I honestly do not believe that this letter could have been written, let alone sent, without another friend behind me to encourage me. An old friend, “Jay”, had returned to my life, and with that support I was able to say good-bye to CM once and for all. Nevertheless, once again we run into a co-dependency situation. Though it was a healthy relationship, my friendship with Jay was as co-dependant as any of the unhealthy situations, aforementioned. When he disappeared years later, into a depressive and self-destructive lifestyle, I was left vulnerable to my latest unhealthy relationship.

“CC”, as I will refer to him, was an old friend from junior high school who I had lost touch with for a few years, but reconnected with in late 2002. At first, it was as if no time had passed. He was the same “good guy” I remembered from before. Unfortunately, it became all too clear that he was not that person anymore, and instead had become an addict and a liar, who was sick in more ways than one. He started out borrowing money for essentials…help with expenses, a gym membership, transportation, etc., but ended up using me as a support for his alcoholism. Even after I figured it out, I couldn’t say no. It was like all the others. I just couldn’t stop needing to please him.

My biggest question, for as long as I can recall, has been…why is their happiness more important than my mental health? Especially, since in every case, I wasn’t really making anyone happy. These people were miserable, and in reality I knew that whatever I did for them wasn’t changing that, yet I would keep trying anyway.

~Where Does This Come From? ~

According to the National Mental Health Association, (http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/factsheets/43.cfm)
“Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”

I agree. Growing up, I watched my father become co-dependant on my mother more and more every year. To the point where he had absolutely no social life. She became his entire world. By the time I was about 10 years old, as a matter of fact, he even excluded me from that world. She was his everything. He was also an alcoholic.

However, what I now realize, that I never have before, is that I have been hating him for that, as well as trying to attain the relationship they shared. The fact was, as co-dependant as dad was, everything he did for my mother was appreciated and reciprocated on a regular basis. Sure he was co-dependant, but she never let him suffer for it. That’s what I want. Not to be co-dependant, of course, but to have my favors and efforts appreciated and reciprocated by someone.

~Where to Get Help~

Seeking out more rewarding and healthier relationships is a solution, but trusting again makes that so hard. So I suggest starting here: http://www.coda.org/

Also, joining an on-line community may be a good start. Tribe has done wonders for me. Being able to seek people and advice from all walks of life, including my own, has been very therapeutic.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 1 reply

Domestic Violence

2004-11-04T23:22:37Z

Is it just the physical or is domestic violence manifested emotionally/mentally?

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 11 replies

Sweetcakes.

2004-11-04T21:28:28Z

No, Kenneth M, I'm not flirting this time...
I just thought that the title would get everyone's attention...
I like doing this... ... ... ...

The purpose of this post is to inform you ladies and gentlemen that we have a skilled baker among us.
Wonder Woman can bake her hips off. Oh, can she ever!
I had an event back in July and she showed up with boxes of goodies. I'm telling you and anyone who is an event planner will tell you, it is hard work.
A couple of things made my day, the presenters and the goodies that Wonder Woman bought to the Park with her that day.

Our Wonder had cake and pie for yours truly and it was better than the average baked goods. This here was just downright memorable.
The lemon cake is, to use a cliche, to die for! The carrot cake is melt in your mouth delicious and the holidays are a'coming.
Visit her web-site phyllzworld.com to learn more about variety and pricing.

Wonder Woman - Queen of the Baked Goods!!
Yummy, you have my word on it.

eden
(to give full disclosure, there was a small problem...I had to share the bounty. Dag!!! Drat!!! and double DAG-DRAT!!! ;-o )

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 1 reply

Eden Evolving...

2004-11-04T18:08:51Z

If there be hope, we shall persevere without fear.
If there be hope, we shall rise although seemingly oppressed.
If there be hope we shall think rationally on what we shall do to right the wrongs.
If there be hope, we shall use our energies to continue the fight against wrong.
If there be hope, we shall further our agenda by remembering the pain of loss but never forgetting our power and never regretting our resolve, rather embracing one another marching forward in lockstep toward the sun in love.
Collectively...
It ain't over for there is always hope.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 6 replies

Dealin'!

2004-11-03T23:09:22Z

http://www.extremeultrarunning.com/Dealing.htm

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 1 reply

Response to Laura: Rightful Place of Men In Our Lives

2004-11-02T19:09:06Z

You are a 43 year old female with the right to have cyber-friends if you choose to have them. Everyone here has come for that purpose, obviously. If Thomas Jefferson were here, he'd write it into the Constitution and the framers would have signed it into law. Oops, perhaps they already have. Let's see, if I remember... there's a provision for free speech.
He can't handle you being on the 'Net. Pleeeeease. I know that he wants a child but it sure as heck ain't you!!!
Many of us need to learn how to assert ourselves and how to draw boundaries in our personal relationships.
Also, one of the characteristics that women who love too much have in common is the thought that they cannot manage without a man. Now you were not born with him; chances are you will not die with him so between the lifetime parenthesis, you need his permission to have friendships. Is it hurting him that you may enjoy communicating this way? Why?
I regret that you let the second husband do what he did to you, in terms of fulfilling those types of sexual fantasies at your expense. Good for you for breaking free from that situation.
I'm also in my forties so I can commiserate with not wanting to be alone at a certain age. It's a little scary although not quite as scary as having the Patriot Act enforced at your house. FGS!!

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 2 replies

Why do I feel guilty?

2004-11-02T18:41:08Z

My boyfriend came in the shop (where my computer is) and saw me responding to a post in this tribe. He is a bit afraid that I'm shopping for his replacement, (which I am not) or "complaining about our relationship" on tribe (which I don't think I am, yet I still went back to another tribe and deleted my post 'rejection')

"Why did you join that tribe? Do you think you love too much?" I told him that Eden invited me, that she is an online friend and one of the women that I have started a friendship with. Then we get this weird energy going...I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong and I go into 'Oh shit, let me make this ok...here, please read my email' mode.

See, I really love this man, and since I do my best all the time to love him (with actions as well as words; always living my respect) and I am also in fear that he wants someone else besides me) I try to offer him the reassurance that I would want if he could read my mind and take care of my fear for me. I'm never up to anything shady, so I feel like an open book, go ahead, look all you want! I've been deceptive in another relationship years ago, and now that I'm living a more honest life, what should it matter if he looks at anything about it? (Oh, Laura, if these were someone else's words I'd have so much advice and unspoken judgements about you...but I AM you, so I'll bravely withhold that...)

My first husband really really wanted me to bring home other men for threesomes...I held out for a year till I gave in and did it...and did it again...I felt filthy and unloved, but hey, it was what he wanted and he got mad when I said I didn't want to do it anymore...eventually one of them told me that if I was *his* wife he would never let another man near me (180 degrees from sick=still sick...) I started sneaking around with him, although I only had un-authorized sex with him three times in the year that we were seeing each other...I hated myself for being unfaithful, my husband for doing that to me (I no longer believe in victims, I am just as responsible for my actions, but I sure felt like it at the time!)

The reason for that story is that I had the same kind of feelings this afternoon...like I was doing something disloyal and I had been caught. Things have been really nice the last few days, and I feel like now we'll have another period of uncomfortable "carefulness" around each other...I feel guilty. I feel defensive. I feel afraid that he'll leave me...(ok, he does want to get married and have a baby some day, and I'm beyond that, but that's not today and let's enjoy our time together and worry about that when the time comes; I'll do my best to let him go if that's the right thing to do, just not today, please!)

Do I belong here? Holy crap, ya think? LOL

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 7 replies

Let's Vote...

2004-11-02T08:20:07Z

There are some women friendly men on tribe. Shall we invite them or keep it just us? This here is a democracy. I will not be voting however I will be tallying on none other than Wednesday morning cause there's got to be a morning after.

Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>>Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>>Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>>Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>> Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>>Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>> Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>>Kerry!!!>>>>Kerry!!!>>> Kerry!!!>>>
Teresa!!!

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 4 replies

Reading Material

2004-11-02T01:36:34Z

http://www.lovetakestime.com/art-characteristics.html

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

Some think

2004-11-02T00:24:56Z

that domestic violence is OK. I've heard people say, "Well, sometimes, you just got to hit...because..." People can actually *justify* domestic violence to their own "satisfaction". OMG!!!
I think that those excuses are weak and hold no water.

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 5 replies

Second Verse, Same As the First...

2004-10-30T22:23:39Z

Domestic Violence and Apologies.
"Oh, Honey I'm sorry won't ever do it again."
Then a two weeks later, POW, right in the kisser...

I used to think that Jackie Gleasion was comical, now older and iwser, I realize that he constantly threatened wife Alice with violence. Of course, he's just one example...
Talk about things that make you go hmmm???
What do you think?

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies

The Butterfly

2004-10-30T21:28:04Z

I chose the butterfly to represent the beauty of freedom. Add pictures and descriptions that you believe will add to the purpose of our tribe.

Blessings,
Eden

posted in Women Who Love Too Much (& Gents) - 0 replies